I or U - my grandfather's story

I or U - What's in an initial? For me, what's in it is my clearest memory of my maternal grandfather. 

    In India, names are written with your initial (the first letter of your last name) followed by your first name. So, I was I.Sunita (until marriage).

    My mom's dad, my Tatagaru, was a man of very few words. All I remember of him is that he would sit on his bed by the window that overlooked the front gate and play Solitaire. Every time I landed in Srikakulam and got off the rickshaw though, he would open the front door to come out and enthusiastically greet me. His greeting was always the same "I. Sunita. I am Sunita." I would always retort, "No, you are not Sunita. I am Sunita." After that, he would go back to his seat by the window and I'd get busy playing with all my cousins, exploring the house, and enjoying my summer vacation. 

    He rarely went on a vacation and seemed to be content just watching all the happenings. So it was a big surprise when he agreed to go on a pilgrimage to Kasi/Varanasi with my grandmother (ammamma). Not only that, he said yes to visiting all his children before going on this pilgrimage. Ammamma couldn't believe her luck, she didn't think this day would come. There is a tradition of vowing to give up something that's your favorite when you take a dip in the Ganga River in Kasi - a sacrifice of your favorite fruit or vegetable as a way of penance/resolve. Apparently, he even jokingly asked my ammamma if she was going to give him up. 

       And so it was that my Ammamma and Tatagaru bid their farewells to their children and grandchildren and boarded the train to Varanasi. Except Tatagaru never made it back. He passed away just as the train approached Varanasi. I grew up hearing tales of people who spent years in Varanasi hoping to die there (it is said there is no rebirth if you die there), only to step out of that place for a short duration and pass away. Clearly, it is not in everyone's destiny to die in Kasi. Maybe he saw this coming and hence went to all his children and said his goodbyes. We will never know.

       I was 10 or 11 years old when my parents told me that Tatagaru passed away in Kasi and that they'd have to rush there. I couldn't even recollect his last visit to our house before leaving for Kasi. Forever etched in my mind however was his welcome greeting of "I.Sunita. I'm Sunita". Later, I came to know that he used to tease me with that greeting because he liked my replying in English! 

    Tatagaru was the first person I thought of when marriage resulted in me being U. Sunita. I wish I had spent more time with him, talked to him, or asked him about his life so I could've had more memories of him. But I know that when I get to see him next, he is going to greet me with "U.Sunita. You are Sunita"and I will smile and hug him and say, "Yes, I am. But enough about me. Let's talk about you." 

Until we meet, Tatagaru...

-U.Sunita